


sunsets and roses

by hwng00_prince



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non Famous, Angst, Death, Florist Hyunjin, Grief, Implied Cheating, M/M, but like not really, cameo bf seungmin, chan was mentioned once, housewife felix, just sad, married jilix, mentions of God - Freeform, office worker jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29976000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwng00_prince/pseuds/hwng00_prince
Summary: “Mmm? Anything you need?”“Thank you, Sung. For everything. What would I do without you?”“Sweetcheeks, what would I do without you?”“There’s a lot you can do, babe”“Of course. With you by my side, there is nothing I can’t do”
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Kudos: 6





	sunsets and roses

**Author's Note:**

> Another dying fic yall it's just me self indulging. Mind the tags, death is involved, and vivid description of grief is mentioned. Also, Jisung thinking of someone else i call that implied cheating. This is Ex inspired and the amount of times I watch the mv is unhealthy. I'm just obsessed with the song. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoy writing it! Feedbacks are deeply appreciated, thank you for stopping by <3

_ The two have a soft piano instrumental of their favourite playlist playing in the background as they danced in the limited space of their shared bedroom. They have their blinds halfway closed just so it’s not all too dark. Dancing and swaying left to right. Smiles and giggles accompanying them in the confinement of their 4 walled bubble. Whispers of sweet nothings, warm embrace and stolen kisses were the only acts that happened between the two. They pranced around, reaching whatever space their room has to offer, jumping in time with the other. Jisung twirled Felix outwards, and pulled him back into his arms, leading them into a back hug.  _

  
  


Felix is staring out, looking beyond the horizon as the sun sets. His skin glows with the glare the sun provides him. Closing his eyes as he busk in the warmth of the evening light. Both his palms are lightly placed against the railing of the balcony as he tilts his head upwards, breathing in the air. Such an ethereal sight, Felix against the view of the sunset. His lashes sit perfectly on his freckle-tainted cheeks, slow movement of his chest as he breathes. An ever so subtle stretch of his lips, smiling soft to no one in particular. 

“As beautiful as day” Jisung thought as he stared at his husband of 5 years. He leaned against the frame of their bedroom door, crossed arm as he swallowed the view in front of him. Felix is completely oblivious by the other’s presence, let alone the staring. Jisung straightened up his posture and strutted his way towards Felix, soft step across the room until he was met with the back side of his beloved. “As elegant as darkness of night,” Jisung said as he engulf Felix into his embrace. Felix jumped a little at the sudden clasping of palms against his stomach. Relieve washes him just as fast as the surprised took over after knowing it’s just Jisung. A soft peck was planted on the side of Felix’s neck before Jisung dive in and nuzzled his face against Lix, took a deep sniff on the junction where the shoulders meet his neck. 

_ They swayed left to right and repeat, with Jisung’s chin tucked on Lix’s shoulder. Lix has Jisung’s white, striped dress shirt on. At this point it’s his now. Wanting to drown himself in the smell of Jisung. In Jisung's humble opinion though, it definitely smells like Lix more now. He is not complaining at all, the shirt smell better with Lix’s scent on it anyways. Or literally any clothing article is at its best quality with a hint of Lix in them. He smile against his husband’s shoulder, nuzzling his face on the soft fabric. _

“Good evening pretty sir,” Jisung’s muffled voice can be heard, causing slight vibrating against Lix’s skin. The sensation probably tickles because he let out a soft giggle and ruffled Jisung’s hair, replying “Evening clingy babe”, kissing the crown of Jisung’s head. He placed his palms atop Jisung’s and lightly placed the weight of his own head on Jisung’s, just enough not to suffocate the man. That was how they spent their evenings during the weekends. Peaceful and away from distractions that the world has to offer. A time out from all hustles, from the buzz and noise of mankind. A business between them and nature. 

* * *

No one warned them that there are things where time out is not an option. Never was and never will. Because right now, no one would’ve guessed that in the coming years, Lix would be lying on the bed instead, in front of that very same balcony, not being able to even sit without the help of the latter. Appetite close to none existent, cheekbone all too obvious and bones protruding out his joint. He’s sick, he doesn’t know how much time he has left, he’s come to accept that he won’t be here for long. He’s in so much pain, even breathing hurts. Blinking is like a chore. He’s too tired to make a decision to keep his lids open or close. One thing that keeps him going is his “Sungie”. He’s so tired and in pain, he just wants to go now. He knows better though, that he doesn’t want to make his husband sad if he go. That is why he is willing to fight against his own pain. Even though it’s even a struggle to blink, he made sure to give Jisung the biggest smile he could whenever Jisung comes home from work, be it during his lunch break to feed Lix or when he comes back home in the evening to which he spent the whole time not leaving Lix’s side. 

Eversince Lix’s health deteriorated downhill, Jisung has always been by his side. The meds he took always made him drowsy, nauseatic, short tempered. It was getting harder and harder to move each day, and each day felt as if it kept on slowing down. Despite it all, Jisung never showed that he was struggling or tired of taking care of him. Eversince Lix was bed ridden, Jisung would come home in the evening and never fail to present Lix a beautiful rose, different colour everyday. One would say it was such a romantic move. However, on other side of the smile, is pain enduring. Neither of them ever wanna show that both of them are tired, tired of trying to survive, tired of trying to help the other to survive. Is love really worth the sunken eyes? Is love really worth the drained, burnt out souls? They would say it is. 

… or is it? 

  
  


Today, just like any other day, Jisung would stop by the florist, picking up the bestest and freshest looking rose for that day. Bringing it up towards the counter, as usual, he would ask the person behind the counter to wrap it up and tie it up with a yellow ribbon, Lix’ favourite colour. Bright and vibrant, mustard yellow, sums up Felix as a whole, truly.    
  
“You must really love your girlfriend. Always stopping by for the last two months, daily, without fail” the long-haired blonde man across Jisung spoke softly. His eyes were focused on the bow he's knotting, a soft smile accompanying his features as he hands the now ready rose to Jisung. When the blonde man finally raised his head to meet Jisung's gaze, he gave him a delayed reciprocation of the soft smile. 

"Husband, actually" replied Jisung as he searched for the cash in his pocket that he had spared there earlier, smile and eyes never leaving the other male.

"Oh, he's for sure a lucky one!" the man replied with much more reverence, eyes almost no where to be found as his smile brightened up almost immediately. 

The statement made Jisung face heated up and briefly stopped in his attempt to search for the cash. Alas, he took a hold of his payment and handed it to the smiling man in front of him. 

“Oh, trust me I am the lucky one here” 

The man behind the counter just giggled at the reply and punched in some codes into the cashier, handing Jisung the receipt. 

“Well, in that case, have a great evening, sir lucky guy”   
“Thank you, and you too -”   
“Hyunjin,”   
“.. you too, Hyunjin”

The two parted ways like that, like any other evenings, just this time with conversation to end their encounter instead of the usual “thank yous” and “have a nice day”. Jisung went out of the store, cheeks still heated up from his small conversation with this Hyunjin guy. They’ve met almost every evening, certain days not when Hyunjin has his staff take over the cashier. Behind the small part of his brain, he thinks that this guy is one hell of a pretty guy. Anyone whose eyes are perfectly working fine couldn’t deny that, any otherwise opinions would be a lie.    


  
Anyone who Hyunjin claims as his would simply be The lucky one. 

In all the evenings he spent at the store, he would notice how soft and delicate Hyunjin’s features are, against the evening sun or the dark cloudy rainy days. He is as pretty as he is, just the way he is. He just is. There was no need for explanations. Just like his husband.

Just like his Felix. 

As much as the thought of Felix brings his heart so much care and loving, the thought of Felix in his current condition only brings him pain. Sorrow. Tears in his eyes if you will. His sweet ray of sunshine, Felix, who used to bring so much warmth to his being, now only fills him with heat that coils from within. Perhaps even cold that freezes his inner turmoil. He doesn’t know which one’s worse. It was no one’s fault, he doesn't know why he is mad. He wants to scream, he wants to be angry, but at what cost? To who? God? He wants to blame God for giving him a life of bliss just to take away how he learned the bliss of life. “Why me?” he would ask in his prayers. If that’s even a prayer to begin with. 

Jisung put the thought aside, climbing into the driver seat, starting the engine as he gently placed the flowers on the passenger seat. The very seat that belonged to Felix. He sighed as he think back of the days they would go for a ride at random only god knows what time of the night just to breathe the night air. They would tune in to some old songs from the 80s, singing like never before. Lix would have his window wind down, the breeze of the night would flow through his soft locks. Sometimes he would catch Jisung staring, a very dangerous workout but what’s the worst that could happen at 2am? The late night drives always lead them to stop by at any secluded area of the neighbourhood, just so they could park and watch the stars. They’d giggle the night away, stealing kisses and non stop talking about whatever they want without any care in the world.

Jisung missed those nights. He increased the volume of the stereo, drowning himself in the music those radio stations had to offer, a poor attempt to distract himself from the thoughts of past sincere laughs he had. Some evening drive back home he had it bad, today is one of those days. Those days where he would be driving home glass-eyed, no one was looking at him in this state, but he still refused to let the tears drop. He would strain his eyes, partly trying to focus on the road, mostly trying to keep the tears unspilled. It’s tough. 

It’s tough to wipe the face of agony and replacing it with an unbothered smile upon entering the front door. Exhaling loudly, he closed his eyes to regain his composure and opened the door knob as he greeted his husband, exactly like any other evening. He can’t expect to get his greeting reciprocated though, but he thought it would be nice to let his husband knows he’s home. As if he wasn’t going straight to their shared bedroom, where Felix would be lying on his side of the bed, body connected to IV drip, heart rate monitor. Oxygen machine. Eyes would always be looking out at the evening sunset. Jisung walked towards his husband, placing a kiss on his forehead and presented the rose to him.    
  
“Hey,” Lix’s raspy voice barely a whisper but was clearly heard by Jisung. He gave Jisung a weak smile and grasp the rose, bringing it up to his nose to give it a gentle inhale.    
  


“Beautiful, as always” commented Lix as he took a look at the flower. 

Jisung watched at the scene before him with tired eyes and an equally tired smile. It wasn’t forced though. What a sight was Han Felix, still looking as beautiful as ever. Despite the sunken eyes and cheeks, or paler skin, paler chapped lips. He still looked as beautiful as ever, against the hue of the sunset from the window. He is still as beautiful as healthy Felix. He is still as beautiful as the Felix he had loved for 10 years. His beautiful Felix. 

He excused himself, saying he will get dinner ready then they’ll clean Felix up. Before Jisung could move further, he felt a tug on his sleeve that’s restraining him from moving forward. He looks back to see Lix weakly pulling him back, giving Lix a confused frown.    


  
“Mmm? Anything you need?”

  
“Thank you, Sung. For everything. What would I do without you?”

“Sweetcheeks, what would _I_ do without you?” 

“There’s a lot you can do, babe”

“Of course. With you by my side, there is nothing I can’t do”

“Sung, don’t-”

“I know, I know. I’ll do dinner now alright, love”   
  
Another tug.   
  
“I love you, Sung. Forever and always”

“I love you more than anything, Lix. Infinity and beyond”

The moment Jisung stepped out the bedroom door, he slid down the door. Finally letting the threatening tears fall down his cheeks, he broke down. This is the third time this week. Trying to act strong in front of Felix is an extreme workout. He promised not to breakdown in front of Felix, and that breakdown itself shouldn’t be an option. But he’s only human. And that he’s been staying strong for so long, it was not something he could control anymore. He was getting bad at hiding his emotions and he fear one day he’ll show it in front of Lix. He wants to be strong for Felix. What he doesn’t realise was behind the door he’s leaning on, was an equally sorrowed Felix, who has his tears dropping gracefully across his cheeks. He’s in so much pain, he just can’t wait for it all to end. But how can he? When Jisung is trying so hard to keep him by his side? How can he when he know Jisung will be so heartbroken? How can he when he can hear Jisung suffocated sniffling from behind the door? He’s basically trying his best to live for Jisung. Jisung is the only reason he doesn’t mind fighting. Jisung is aware of this. He feels selfish. He’s not ready to let go. 

* * *

That’s probably the reason Jisung is shouting right now. Reverently shaking a lifeless Felix, screaming asking him to wake up. To not joke around this way. Tears were like an endless stream wetting his face. Snot which he doesn't even bother wiping anymore. Right now he's just begging for Felix to open his eyes, or at least respond. An action he definitely knows wasn't necessary at this point. He cried, and cried, and screamed in hopes Felix is still there. Somewhere. He's in denial. Anyone could see. But who is there to tell him that? It's only him and Felix. Grasping Felix's hand, kissing it as he close his eyes. That doesn't seem to stop his tears from flowing, if not more. He's just weeping at this point, sobbing loudly and still softly calling out for Felix. At some point he was just on his knees, his head starting to hurt from crying for too long, vision getting blurry than ever and all he could think of now is to beg to God. Begging to God to give him a little more time, at least to prepare himself for this day. He obviously know no amount of time could ever prepare him for this darkest day of days. Begging to give him back his ray of sunshine, even if it's just for another day. He's desperate, exasperated, that when he tried to get up and plant a soft kiss on Felix's lips, calling out his name. He dont get any respond still, he started screaming again. Fresh batch of tears wetting not just his face but also Felix's. It's just getting harder to breathe now. He picked up his phone to call his brother. A few rings and the call was picked up. A faint "hello, jisung?" was the last thing he heard before black took over him. 

* * *

_ Jisung pranched around, grasping the white shirt in his hold with the biggest smile on his face. His back was met with the wall, hard. It brought out a loud gasp from him as he clutches the shirt to his chest, out of surprise. And that still didn’t made the smile on his smile falter nor drop. Not when Felix was sitting on the side on the bed laughing at his clumsy movements. Felix has his legs crossed, elbows on each knees and both palms supporting his jaw. Jisung was always so goofy, always fooling around, especially around Felix. People always commented on how bright of a sunshine Felix was for Jisung. But it was the same for him. Jisung is his very own ray of sunshine, just for him to have and appreciate. Jisung took a deep whiff of the shirt before taking a hold on each end of the sleeves and started waltzing around, singing his own composed classical music vocally, “la la la” his way across the opposite side of the room. More giggles were brought out past Lix’s lips as his head followed the direction of wherever his husband is headed to.  _

The weather appeared cloudy on that day. Sorrowful faces were seen everywhere. Everyone is crying. Lix's parents still can't believe their son had to go so soon. We was so young. Only 32 yet he had to leave everyone behind sooner than expected. Their friend group is there, Chan being the best friend cried the hardest when he received the news, and even right now at the funeral, he is still crying the hardest. Jisung was tired of crying. He had been crying like it was a lifestyle. The past three days was nothing but sleepless days and smile less times. All he could do was stare at Lix's peaceful sleeping face as he lay in all his bright glory in the coffin. Beside him was his own photo, smiling ever so brightly, everyone's bubble of happiness. Jisung's very own sunshine. There was no tears left to cry. He's just standing right in front of Felix, almost as lifeless as the man. 

At the burial site, it was drizzling. Definitely depicting the event. The unfaithful event. Jisung stood there watching as the wooden casket was lowered into the ground. Stood still, holding Lix's picture in his embrace. Not sure when he shed tears, not sure if the glass against the picture was wetted by rain droplets or Jisung's tears. Still unbelievable that there is no Felix to come back home to now. He trying to process that the house they bought together, now is just going to be occupied by Jisung. Alone. The garden they grew together, the bed they shared, the car they have their dates and late night drives in, the balcony where they shower themselves with warmth. It's all just Jisung now. Alone and lonely, without the man that helped him made so many things in his life happened. It all strucked Jisung all at once at that very moment. He felt his legs go weak, and suddenly he's on his knees. Crying out loud the lower the coffin goes into the ground. He was clutching Felix's picture so tight in his hold. Heart so heavy and broken seeing her son like this, she went down and pulled him into her embrace. She knew how these two were, they were so in love. It breaks her heart, Felix's were so good to her son, so good to her, Felix's was like her own son. He was her son in law. Everyone loved Felix. Always and will. 

* * *

_ Jisung stopped dancing. He stopped prancing around, reaching out both hands to the window for support and closing his eyes. His breathing ragged from all the intense jumping and movements. The blinds against his palm digging into his skin as he presses more onto them, clutches to them. His lower lips tremble as he let out slow but harsh exhales. His head hung low, along with the shirt that hovers his whole head. A drop of tear can be seen dropping on the floor, wetting a spot where it lands. The blinds are fully drawn, in the midst of the dark room, the only hint of light was from the part Jisung clutches to. It was suffocating to look at, a dark room where it should be calming. It was scattered with clothes, on the floor, on the bed. everywhere. Clothes that were not his. Similar to the one hung on his head.    
_

_  
No one to laugh or tease him about his silly tactics. No shoulder to tuck his chin on anymore. No shirt to remind him of what once was his smelled like. None of it smelled like the owner anymore.  _

* * *

He stopped by the florist again, stopped by at Hyunjin’s again. This time instead of going to the one-stalk section, he went to the bouquet section in his full black suit. The flowers are all wrapped so nicely. Every petals were fresh, very much lively looking and slight droplets of water can be seen on some. It was definitely misted just recently. The opposite of how he look or feels right now. He took his time, walking south to north, west to east, wanting to get the best flower for his beloved. Walking towards the bouquet of velvety, dark red, vibrant roses, he took the best looking one. It was arranged in such a breathtaking way. There’s baby’s breath of pink and blue hues painting the petals, it compliments the rose so well. So beautiful, so Felix-like. He picked it up and brought it to the counter. Halfway walking, he heard a gasp from Hyunjin. Probably surprised by his appearance here, at 11am rather than his usual 5.30 pm.

“You’re here!” _another gasp_ “- and purchasing our finest bouquet! Special occasion?” 

Jisung just gave him a weak nod and smile. Hyunjin’s slight frown didn’t go unnotice at the lack of verbal response or response but did not push further, he goes back to smiling and punching in more codes into the cashier. 

A man suddenly approach them and walk past the counter barrier, giving Hyunjin a kiss on the cheek and greeting him warmly. The scene before him made him felt a pang at the heart, a sharp pain could be felt right across his damned heart. He wanna be them. He used to be them. But what struck him so much more was there was a point of life, he wanted to be that guy. There was one point in life where he looked at Hyunjin, and almost had the same stare he gave him. That was his biggest regret in life. To ever think of someone else when he had a faithful husband waiting for him at home, to be taken care of. He doesn’t remember when it started, but he sometimes would think, how would it feel like to be with someone healthy? How would it feel like to be with someone who is not sick? How would it feel like to love someone who is not on their death bed? He doesn’t want to admit that at some point he just started coming here to see this person behind the counter. And he regretted it so much, it was his biggest mistake, he was a failure at being the best husband for Felix. Because right now, not only did he lose his husband, he thought of others while his husband was still around, who was he to cry? The very person whom he looked at is happily in his own relationship, and now Jisung can’t even afford to keep his partner with him. He lost everything. He‘s not worthy of anyone.

So fucking selfish.

  
“Minnie, babe you’re here! This is Jisung, a regular here,” the man called Minnie looked at Jisung and gave a slight bow, Jisung mimicked the gesture as well.    
“It’s been three days, how have you been?” asked Hyunjin curiously, handing out the bouquet to Jisung as the Minnie guy watched them.

  
“Well, not too good-”

“I thought your husband died or something, how is he?” Hyunjin joked. Jisung scoffed with a faux smile.

“Dead, actually.” a painful silence passed and Hyunjin's smile dropped, realising no joke was present.   


“I’m so sorry, he didn’t kno-” Minnie tried to send out an apology on Hyunjin’s behalf but was cut off.

“Of course he doesn’t know. What does anyone know?” Jisung replied, and chuckled bitterly. He knew he didn’t have the right to be acting this way, after all that he’s done. Fuck it all, why isn’t he the dead one instead?   


“Thank you,” said Jisung before exiting the store, dragging the bouquet beside him.    
  
  
Looking back into the store, he saw the couple looked at him with eyes that speak sorrow to him. Now Jisung look at them, all he could think of was regrets of not giving Lix his all, even during his last moments in life. Because right now, it will be his final visit to this store, buying a bouquet of red roses to put alongside Lix’s picture. On his grave.

  
  


“I’m so fucking sorry, sweetcheeks”


End file.
